The Art of Letting Go

I had so many plans for this year, how I believed everything would go( with no consultation from God might I add). But above all, on New Years Eve, with my older sister and her friend, we prayed. 

And I prayed for discernment and wisdom and a successful academic year. I placed emphasis on praying for my relationship and was so confident it would all work out because duh I had prayed for it, with all of my heart, how could it not? A week later, we officially ended things. It knocked me and left me stunned. How after all the praying? So I detached myself from everything for a while. School was difficult. More difficult than I had expected it to be.

 I pitied myself, all the time. Was wondering when I would catch a break from it all. Considered giving up and for a very long time my mantra was simply "If I could get through this year, I could get through anything". And it only hit me recently, the significance of that prayer on New Years Eve. I asked God above all for the right relationships to be carried to fruition and for everything that simply doesn't bear fruit to be cut off but for the longest of times, I was upset because He did just that. I could not decipher why He would bestow so much heartache when I felt like I had asked for the exact opposite. 

But looking back, I get it. I appreciate it. Everything to date has taught me the art of letting go. Listening above all and letting go of things that no longer serve you or better you. Understanding that no matter how much effort and work can be put into something, it sometimes is simply not for you. It is simply not God's will for your life. I have had to surrender so many times. I've had to accept the things I cannot change in my life and simply tell myself "You only have control over yourself. You only have control over how you react to situations. You cannot control what anyone else does but your reactions so take full control of that."

 I've also had to step back and evaluate why all my past relationships have a common pattern and I was listening to the Black Girl Podcast (These 5 women are the Holy Grail, give them a listen, you won't regret it) and Rebecca said "You repeat what you don't repair." And I felt that sentence in my gut. So I've tried to be very conscious of who I am, what type of men I attract and who I let into my space. 

I'm motivated to be consistent and deliberate with my posts on here. And to have transparent and honest conversations, whether it be about relationships, spirituality, student life, navigating into various career paths as a young individual. All of it. Join me.